Quack Crossover Excel Hina Palpitatations of State
by Phnx28
Summary: Excel Saga, Love Hina, Evil Dead and Freedom Fighters crossover. The Secret Ideological Organization of ACROSS has scored its first real conquest: the Kindgom of Molmol! Can the Hinata crew save Kaolla's home from tyranny? C&C Welcome. UPDATED: 112106.
1. Chapter 1

Quack Experimental Crossover Excel Hina: Palpitations of State.

Chapter A/N: Takes place ten years prior to the events of "The Tyrant's new Reign." _Freedom Fighters _and _Evil Dead _mainly provide characters and some settings; this is a straight _Love Hina _and _Excel Saga _crossover otherwise.

Chapter 1: Blazing Intensive Conspiracy!

"Hail Il Palazzo!" Excel raised her forearm in the ACROSS salute, which an unfortunate outside observer would find eerily familiar before his untimely death for stumbling on the terrorist cell's hideout. "What is thy bidding today oh most stupefying one?"

As Hyatt, Cosette and Elgala finished their superior's salute with a saccharine "-Zzo," the same wannabe dictator of the world issued a typically sardonic greeting. "As always Agent Excel, I have commissioned a still more cunning plan for the conquest of the city in accordance with our supreme ideals. However, you may wish to keep your juvenile rambling to an even more absolute minimum than I would normally tolerate, since this action may yet achieve that stated goal at a single stroke." His tone bespoke a depressing familiarity with his agents' shortcomings borne of nearly a decade's frustration.

"Really, Lord Il Palazzo sir? Excel is incomprehensibly, indubitably, inchoately ecstatic at the masterful plots of her supremely dominant overlord in absolutely every single picayune tiny microscopic aspect of her worthless downtrodden life; so much so that I, the courageous Excel Excel shall redouble my efforts forthwith to obey totally and abjectly every whim that enters your most excellent and arbitrary mind!" Excel looked beneath her upon feeling the floor give way before crying out, "Oh teacakes, I'm falling again…!" Excel trailed off as she hurtled down The Pit, yet another venerable institution in the surprisingly well-equipped hideout of an otherwise understaffed subversive organization.

Having stepped several paces aside from the trapdoor just prior to Excel's drop, Hyatt inquired of her master, "And may we inquire what that plan is, Lord Il Palazzo?" Cosette remained blank at the whole scene, having grown quite used to it. Elgala stared down the pit after Excel in covertly (even to herself) tearful empathy, having herself been dropped nearly as many times as her superior within fewer years of ACROSS membership.

"Indeed you may, Agent Hyatt." Il Palazzo clicked on a throne-mounted button, dropping a projection screen and displaying the surveillance video of an exceptionally skilled kendo practitioner trouncing her opponent in an exhibition before removing her mask and revealing her face. "This is Motoko Aoyama. Aged 25; known resident of Kyoto, Kyoto Prefecture and Hinata, Kanagawa Prefecture; she is currently grand master of the Gods' Cry School of kendo based in the former city, and also a graduate student at Tokyo University." Freezing on another frame of Motoko drawing a strangely dark-hued katana from its sheath, he continued, "And this is the best shot available of her personal weapon: 'Hina: The Ominous Blade.' Legend has it that this same sword and its former master, a minor _daimyo _warlord of the Urashima clan, very nearly razed Kyoto to the ground some centuries ago during our own Warring States period before the Gods' Cry School sealed its occult power away with their legendary techniques. Such a weapon could be of immeasurable use to ACROSS in conquering Fukuoka City. Nay, the whole of Japan even!

But that is not all I wish us to retrieve. Our current mission: City Conquest Plan #616666 is the largest yet attempted by ACROSS, spanning not one or two but _three_ full continents! Agent Key heads the operation in America, where he is to acquire this," Ilpalazzo flipped to another slide of a macabre-looking text grotesquely bound in what looked like human skin, "the infamous _Necronomicon_ _ex Mortis,_ i.e. 'Book of the Dead,' by any means necessary. With this, ACROSS will literally hold the power of life-and-death (albeit mostly death) over the entire world!" Il Palazzo considered Key's role in the operation a necessary evil only, thinking to himself along the following lines the whole presentation: _Narcissistic bastard! I should've fired you from ACROSS years ago if only the intelligence you've provided on the United States weren't so valuable…_

Il Palazzo continued on. "Agent Cosette, I bid you to infiltrate Europe where you are to trace this," Ilpalazzo flipped again to a grainy World War II era picture of an ancient lance. "The Spear of Destiny. Purported by Christian superstition to be the lance that pierced Christ's side at the Crucifixion, much folklore since the subsequent European medieval period claims that whoever possesses this weapon is destined to rule the world. Said legend, while inherently unreliable considering its source," Il Palazzo's opinion about orthodox religion in general and Christianity in particular being notoriously unfavorable, "seems to be corroborated via the Spear's documented possession by several key European rulers of the past millennia during the peak of their power: notably Charlemagne, Napoleon, Hitler, and Stalin among several others. Even the American General George S. Patton is alleged by some sources to have had the weapon briefly, but this report is the least reliable of all." Despite Il Palazzo's flippancy regarding this prominent myth, he clearly regarded it seriously enough to build a mission around.

"Uh, Lord Ilpalazzo, if this legend is the probable fabrication of a false religion bolstering the corrupt state power worldwide, then why is one of our missions so closely bound to it?" The risen-from-the-pit Excel had just enough intelligence to regret her impulsive, if well intentioned and timely, question soon after it left her mouth.

"Agent Excel, our schedule is tight today so I shall refrain from punishing you twice from what I shall regard as the _same_ sort of benevolent foolery on your part. ACROSS is a small _if_ resolute agency, and we need to cover all possible bases if we are to increase our clout worldwide." Il Palazzo put his fingers to his spectacles in an obvious gesture of fatigue at this exceptionally long briefing.

"Agents Excel and Hyatt, you are to proceed to Kyoto and/or Hinata as necessary with all haste and procure the Hina Blade. Cosette, I suggest you begin your search for the Spear of Destiny in Russia, where it was last reported as kept under strict KGB guard before vanishing shortly after the USSR's dissolution. Report to me at once when you have completed your objectives. Elgala, you are to join Key in New York and proceed together to the _Necronomicon's _last known position in Dearborn, Michigan. Standing orders for you all are to terminate any opposition with extreme prejudice!"

"It cough… it will cough, cough, HACK!… It will be done, Lord Ilpala…drop" Hyatt keeled over and began trickling blood, from her mouth and several other orifices as well, before finishing her acknowledgment of orders. It was yet another disturbing habit among his subordinates Ilpalazzo had resigned himself to long ago.

"Roger. Orders received." Cosette knew best of all how to execute the last directive of her master's, and had substantial ideas how to proceed with the rest.

"YAY! Obliterate, exterminate, for Lord Il Palazzo's sake!" Excel broke into song just barely after Ilpalazzo had finished. "Homicide! Genocide! Deicide, without asking why!" Excel dragged a temporarily deceased Hyatt out the door while singing thusly to commence their mission as their fellow agents split off on theirs as well. _This _moment was to change everything in the coming months.

Some days after this pivotal ACROSS meeting nearly half of Japan away from him, Keitaro Urashima woke up roughly (as usual) in the Manager's room of the Hinata House Women's Dormitory that he ran at his grandmother's behest. Naru Narusegawa, a substitute teacher for the local school system and his wife of the past two years, had apparently awakened before and begun her day without him. _"As usual; probably a good thing too since she IS_ _still Naru and all, even if married." _The woman had _zero_ patience for being ogled or even seeming to be so, even by her own husband, outside the most narrowly defined of intimate circumstances.

Smelling the luscious aroma of Shinobu Maehara's cooking, Keitaro ambled down the stairs to the waiting kitchen at the landing and greeted his self-styled protégé with the usual warmth. "Hey Shinobu! Nice job as always."

"SENIOR!" Shinobu flustered briefly in surprise, her way of handling the crush she still felt for him even as she deferred to her other senior Naru. Collecting herself, essential in the kitchen and nearly inexcusable to lose for a chef of Shinobu's still rising caliber, she bowed deeply and quickly to him before returning to her cooking before she replied. "I trust you're well? Senior Naru left for work before you woke up, and Ema-chan is already at school." Shinobu referred to her friend since Keitaro's wedding, Ema Maeda, 17 years old and in her second year at Kanagawa Prefectural High School; studying to follow her own "senior" Shinobu's path to the prestigious Tokyo University.

"Thanks, Shinobu. Say, that dish wouldn't be…" But decidedly less pleasant domestic matters rudely interrupted Keitaro's kind and hungry inquiry for her from the nearby lobby.

"And pray tell just _what_ do you mean I can't tell you what to do anymore, hon'?" Mitsune 'Kitsune' Konno, so nicknamed for the fox-like air she took on when feeling her usual mischievous self, was locked in an argument with the Hinata House teahouse's indebted employee of the past two years, Kentaro Sakata. Never a pleasant duel even under the best of circumstances, considering his ample-enough arrogance that had only _grown _(assuming such was of course possible…)in recent years for reasons unclear to the Hinata household, aside from his obvious vendetta against Keitaro for marrying his crush Naru, but doubtlessly ominous for the future. 'Kitsune' decided to lay off the stick in favor of the carrots for the time being as she leaned sultrily towards Kentaro with hands on her hips and her eyes locked to his when asking her question, wisely thinking to use his own inflated sense of masculinity against him.

"Just what I said, you superannuated trollop!" Kentaro threw down the gauntlet at Mitsune's less-than-subtle wiles. He was through with _her_ and her ceaseless objectification of him, _HIM _of all people! "_I've_ found employment that respects a man of my education and stature, and affords him opportunities mere _peons _such as you couldn't even comprehend let alone seize."

"Well then, Kentaro." Keitaro strode into the dining room purposefully as Mitsune gaped in dumbstruck hurt from Kentaro's calling her bluff so archly. Keitaro's whole poise was emulating his mentor Dr. Seta Noriyasu's practice: carefully maintain neutrality and present resolve without aggression. "If you truly feel working here no longer suits you, Mr. Sakata… you _can_ go."

"But Keitaro?" Mitsune was shocked at this seeming fold on her longtime crush's part. Her thoughts ran on multiple veins at once that could nonetheless be summarized as one: _"Come on Kei-sugar, be a MAN for me and Naru; stick it to this loser like he deserves! Even Seta would've had enough with language like Kentaro just used on me, little old ME I say!"_

But Keitaro was adamant in denying Mitsune her anticipatedentertainment of two men brawling over her, which she enjoyed whatever the reason involved, as he firmly stated his decision. "He's worked off his debt to us, Kitsune. _More_ than worked it off,to be honest. I've checked the books, and that's all there is to it. If he wants to quit, that's his right. None of us here have a right to force him to like anything." Keitaro looked at Kentaro squarely, subtly reinforcing the mutual character of that statement.

"Thank you, Mr. Urashima. I shall retrieve my things and head home, never to see this _mad_ place again if too soon." His return gaze to Keitaro shot pure venom despite his words' measured formality. "A pity I couldn't say goodbye to Naru on my way out. Perhaps I shall instead see her again in due time; when I have attained my proper _place_ in this world, after all."

"Whatever, Mr. Sakata." Keitaro had absolutely no desire to stoop to Kentaro's level; he'd won that war long ago, and saw even less need than desire to reinforce the point. Kentaro couldn't _touch _him now, and was more the fool for still trying and making enemies where he didn't have to in the process. Still, Keitaro did twitch slightly when he thought he heard Kentaro's whispered opinion of that place from some paces behind:

"…Ruling you _all_ with a hot iron fist…" Kentaro's face also seemed to gesticulate appropriately. Clearly Kentaro Sakata was a man with both reality and self-control issues.

Some hours later, after Kentaro had stormed out with his things and attitude though, Kaolla Su barged into the room with her cell phone clutched in two wrought hands, itself a disturbing scene considering her usual… _high spirited_ mood. She even had the haunted expression she could get when she wasn't using her magic to appear some years younger than she was. Not enough to worry about or anything, just enough to cover the difference between, say, 22 and 17 years old. "Keitaro, it's terrible! It's… in Kyoto… Something terrible has happened to…" That musical Hindi accent of hers sounded completely inappropriate for her current emotional state, to Keitaro's mind at least.

Keitaro Urashima rushed up and promptly hugged the petite graduate student as she shivered in his arms. "_Slow down_, Su; what's happened?" Given the incident's origin, however, Keitaro had a depressing idea what it was.

"Motoko. Mo… Motoko has been injured, Senior Keitaro. Badly. I just heard from her big sister, Tsuruko… herself; the doctors say Motoko might even…" Kaolla trailed off at the mere thought of the unmentionable possibility.

Keitaro simply hugged her in silence as his thoughts staggered. _"Who's so tough as to nearly kill Motoko? She's Grand Master of the Gods' Cry School for Heaven's sake! Hell, I'm no stranger to the blade myself after nearly 8 years of training with her off-and-on, and even I stand MAYBE a one-in-two chance in a duel with that woman._

"More like 1-in-2.6875, Keitaro…" Kaolla slightly perked at his last thought, which must have been mumbled aloud or such, recalling his 16/43 win/loss record against Motoko in their sparring duels. "Could you possibly help me get a train there; to the station nearest the Kyoto Prefectural Hospital? I know it's an awful imposition on you and Naru, but I just…"

Keitaro put one finger to her lips and silenced her at that instant. "Of course, Su. That's not even a question; we're family here, and we're all going to watch over each other, no matter what."

"Fortunately for you, dearest, _I heard that._" A dampened version of Naru Narusegawa's familiar peeved tone echoed through the lobby as she entered the Hinata House. Keitaro had just barely avoided a beating of the _bad _kind from her by giving his gesture to Kaolla an appropriately Platonic context. She put her hand on Su's right shoulder opposite Keitaro's on her left as she affirmed her husband's gallantry with, "It's no problem at all, Su. I was planning a trip to my family's residence anyway, so this shouldn't take us too far out of the way considering."

"Indeed, hon'." Mitsune walked up and decided to join the group hug. "I'll call ahead to the local train station for tickets; we'll need to _move_ if we want to make visiting hours." Mitsune took charge as she usually did in situations like these, especially when able to collaborate with her longtime best friend Naru. Within the hour the four housemates had linked up with Ema at her school as she was leaving, and they all headed for the local bullet train station.

Some distance away, in a shadowy alley in the even more so suburbs of Hinata, Excel panted in relief at having evaded pursuit thus far. "Oh Lord Il Palazzo…" the huffing came fast and ragged now, as it always did when dragging an expired Hyatt with police hot on their tails was involved. "Surely your plans could become even _more _perfect by becoming simpler for once?" She allowed herself this minor blasphemy considering her utter exhaustion at having run, Hyatt in tow, seemingly half the trip here from Kyoto, both the actual and perceived rest being by very tense stowaway ride on a bullet train; and the fact that unlike usual it had actually been worthwhile. The black katana carefully sheathed and propped beside her slouched form testified to that succinctly.

She'd made her way here after placing a covert phone call to Lord Il Palazzo on her mobile, thus receiving instructions to link up with an unidentified ACROSS sympathizer and await further orders. _"Who could that be anyway?"_ Excel's thoughts wondered, since the whole greater Tokyo area was definitely on the "CORRUPT BASTARDS! DIE! DIE! _DIE_!" sector of Excel's personal world map. Her question was answered as a shadowy figure approached her from behind, provoking Excel to jump into an ACROSS Ansastuken combat stance as she exclaimed: "GAAACK! Who you are? Yourself identify now or die!!"

"If our Lord has to hire such like _you _for help, then surely the Cause must be in dire straits indeed." Kentaro Sakata stepped out of the shadows just enough to be visible, having changed into an outfit much like Lord Il Palazzo's but lacking the armored cape and crown. "Agent Clarion of the Secret Ideological Organization ACROSS, Comrade Excel; making acquaintance as ordered."

"Hey, when did you get hired? I don't remember the Director or Will-chan saying anything about a new character." Excel puzzled about this meta-issue in her usual fashion, incomprehensible to the world at large and doubly so to Kentaro.

"If you _must _know when this humble one got the divine opportunity to serve our Lord Il Palazzo, it was when I met the radiant Comrade Elgala on the Tokyo University Med School campus whilst slaving away to this corrupt world's dictates." Kentaro's feelings for Elgala were clearly apparent, an incomplete transfer of those for Naru in continuation of his penchant for unavailable women. "We touched, yes; and _I _was touched by the sublime enlightenment that is ACROSS as much as her…" He didn't get the chance to finish his confabulation.

"NO WAY!!!" Excel smacked Kentaro across the alley in surprisingly similar fashion to Naru's style, he impacting roughly onto another brick wall and falling to the pavement in a battered heap to gape upward at a _very _peeved Excel. "I do remember El-chan making a trip up to Tokyo for some unspecified mission; but NO WAY IN HELL would she do such things with a Grade-S jerk like yourself! She's not _that_ loose, so just forget about such hentai thoughts right now. And watch your language when talking to a superior officer, bucko!" Excel decided it was best to show dominance right off with suchlike runts, otherwise a situation that just wouldn't do for world conquest might develop.

"_FINE!_" Kentaro was becoming mortally exasperated with his nominal superior, wanting to end this miserable encounter as quickly as possible. "Maybe you don't want to hear our Lordship's supplemental orders?" He tried to collect himself as best as possible in these circumstances, i.e. not much.

"New orders? TELL ME NOW PEON!" Excel grabbed Kentaro by the collar and began to shake him roughly before a soft tap on her shoulder forced Excel to look behind. There was Hyatt, all refreshed and resurrected like Motoko _hadn't_ slashed her open in five places (all of them vital) during the ACROSS girls' assault to seize the Hina Blade. Excel had taken Motoko down in the end, of course, if not fatally so as would've been preferred since escape with the blade took first priority; but it had been the closest fight Excel had ever personally faced thus far. "What Ha-chan??"

"I think you're referring to these, senior." Hyatt handed a small piece of paper to Excel which read thusly:

"All agents, upon completion of your individual objectives for City Conquest Plan #616666 you are to secure plane tickets to the Kingdom of Molmol at your earliest convenience, there to rendezvous with myself and new agents for further orders. Signed and Sealed, Lord Il Palazzo." His own four-character seal was impressed at the end of the short strip, which Excel goggled her eyes at in rapture and then promptly hid from the world as fit only for them.

"Eh-Ehhh… Lord Il Palazzo, although the thought of a Pacific getaway with you is _utter ecstasy _to this Excel, I don't exactly know how many temp jobs I'd have to work to get there in a timely manner. Waaah!" Excel began to bawl suspiciously like a disappointed child, which Kentaro took advantage of to regain at least his dignity if not the command he felt he deserved over these cretins.

"Never mind Comrades Excel, Hyatt," Kentaro bowed to Hyatt and (offhand) Excel in a mock gesture of respect, not that he thought they had enough of a clue to tell. "The tickets are where _I _come in, naturally." His family fortune and ease of accessing it saw to that.

"Wow Ha-Chan!" Excel glomped Kentaro nearly enough to send him sprawling again, and definitely enough to induce a nosebleed on his part, as she exclaimed, "Having a member of ACROSS that's _loaded _is way better than conquest-on-a-budget right?" She poked him with her elbow precisely in his navel, prompting only a nod in reply due to the excruciating pain. Kentaro decided to just have off with it and led the three ACROSS agents in the direction of his safe house not far away, thence to plan their departure from Japan to Molmol post-haste…


	2. Chapter 2

Quack Experimental Crossover Excel Hina: Palpitations of State

Chapter A/N: Takes place some weeks after the events of Chapter 1. Molmolese ranks follow those of the Indian armed forces; those of the Freelance Russian Army under General Tatarin follow the style of the USSR. Eventually both will be replaced by an Imperial Japanese style as stipulated and modified by ACROSS. My first names and patronymics for Tatarin and Bulba are entirely my own concoctions, said characters not having been named more than "General Tatarin" and "Colonel Bulba" during the _Freedom Fighters _video game.

Chapter 2: Skullduggery in Paradise.

Professor Seta Noriyasu strolled through the ornate halls of the Grand Royal Palace in Todai, capital of the Kingdom of Molmol and residence of his old student King Lamba Lu. He was reporting for a scheduled audience with the King, at the latter's request to discuss some undisclosed "troubling developments" in private. _"Though I can't figure how that works. Usually the biggest trouble here is accommodating the year's influx of fiancées looking to get hitched in this city, the 'Wedding Capital of the World.'"_

Pausing for the Royal Guard Subedar-Major's salute as he approached, which Seta promptly returned, he was then escorted into the King's presence in a private jungle arboretum. His Majesty returned the guard's salute and dismissed him before warmly bowing to Seta in welcome. "Many welcomes, my old professor. It is truly good to see that the years have touched you as little as they have your wife, Mrs. Haruka, or your spirited daughter Sarah." Lamba offered and was allowed a hug for his old Archaeology teacher after the latter returned the bow, casting class distinctions to the wind in this most private of refuges from a paradise grown increasingly superficial of late.

"You said you had some trouble to discuss? I can't imagine what help an adventurer like myself might be in politics, aside from some common-sense stuff of course; but I doubt you need any of that, looking like the spitting officer you are now." Seta remarked at Lamba's spare yet smart khaki uniform, that of a Field Marshal in the Royal Molmolese Army; which rank corresponding to his station as King, and superseding his Captaincy earned after three years of volunteer service, themselves following one year of Officer Candidate School due to his noble birth and two years of draft obligation.

"Perhaps not, but I have need of an objective opinion anyway. I do not quite trust my generals and Privy Councilors anymore, alas; my dearest Amalla is too quick to assume the worst, and my little sister-in-law is too… enthusiastic… to ever seriously believe I could be troubled by mere mortal powers." Perhaps _magic _yes, but surely not mere politics. King Lamba chuckled internally at Kaolla's innocence, and how soon it was likely to be tested, all things considered.

"Your Majesty," Seta said, obliging King Lamba's offer for them to sit beneath an opulent table umbrella, the three-Krishna-eyed elephant's head logo of the Kingdom of Molmol blazoned on each fold, at his equally elephant-themed picnic table. "Your Highness, are you saying you suspect a _coup _is imminent?" Seta nearly choked at the very thought; such things simply didn't happen here, and that was that! Sure, in other troubled Pacific island states or Third World countries maybe, but not a country that had enjoyed as strong a romantic tradition as martial since millennia before the present Indian diaspora civilization had even taken up residence here.

"My initial thoughts ran exactly as far as yours, old professor. However, the behavior of my Privy Council has been most disturbing of late." King Lamba closed his eyes and reclined further, even if not slouching, as he decided to unload his evidence. "They have proven unusually strong in opposing my calling a Parliament for this country. They claim it is blasphemy against my divinely ordained power, by _me _of all people! More like blasphemy against their egos and the comfortable lifestyles supporting them, I'd wager." Molmol had been one of quite few ex-British dependencies to revert to absolutism after it had gained independence in 1947, the same year as India proper's states which had promptly formed what became 'the world's largest democracy.'

"And my generals have let me down even more, putting their parochial interests above this country's welfare in opposing budget caps for our defense spending." Molmol had enemies, for sure, and was the most powerful of the Pacific island states considering its massive air fleets of armed dirigibles, besides more than respectable conventional air, land and naval forces for its size. But King Lamba saw the drain such power was on his people, they being forced by circumstance to work in a completely tourism-based economy as a result of the Kingdom's martial priorities, and he wanted to 'diversify' Molmol's spending in a more appropriate fashion accordingly. "I suspect much of their opposition stems from the bulk of the austerities being concerned with salary caps for officers and raises for the enlisted ranks." He hated to admit it, but corruption was another reason he wanted to trim the military's proverbial fat; a problem he'd gained _extensive _experience with during his six years of service therein.

"I see." Seta pursed his lips and stared downcast in thought. _"Maybe this also has to do with…"_ He decided to shoot with his impending question. It seemed ludicrous because most of Molmol's enemies had been long-chastened, but… "Might there be any foreign interests who could benefit from a mutiny against you, your Majesty?"

"That is what worries me most, professor." King Lamba sighed and stood to look at a palm tree much like that in which Kaolla slept in her similarly verdant room at the Hinata House. Seta promptly followed, waiting for his host to resume as per protocol and simple concern. "Tell me, Mr. Seta… Are you familiar with the name Tenmangu Shioji?"

Seta nearly choked for the second time in scarcely fifteen minutes. "H-_Him?_ Do I, Your Majesty? Who in the Japanese intellectual community wouldn't? He disappeared back when I was in junior high, so I never met him, but his disappearance at the time caused quite a to-do for those interested, all things considered." Seta gathered himself before continuing. "I've also heard about what became of his wife, Dr. Miwa Rengaya, in the aftermath. Quite the scandal, as they say." Being in polite company, and suspecting King Lamba already knew, most likely from Kaolla since she idolized the University of Illinois' same oversexed domme of a professor, Seta left the matter at that.

"Indeed. My Intelligence services have just informed me, Seta, that Dr. Tenmangu Shioji has been spotted in _my _kingdom. Worse, spotted conversing with at least two of my General Staff officers and consorting with various foreign riff-raff presumed to be mercenary elements. Under ordinary circumstances, a scientist of his renown would be greeted with open arms in this land provided he gave a sufficient account of the reasons for such a long absence from the world. But he has taken every measure to provoke and arouse suspicion against him, even going so far as to adopt the bizarre alias 'Lord Il Palazzo,' of all things. Clearly our mutually admired Doctor has become most disturbed over the years. As to what he might want thus in overthrowing my Government; that, as they might say, maybe even the highest God doesn't know." King Lamba paraphrased appropriately from Hindu scripture, specifically a philosophical inquiry regarding the Creation, in summary of the utter absurdity of the present situation as he saw it.

"And you haven't arrested him yet because you suspect the coup is already far enough along to be launched in that case, right?" Seta caught King Lamba's implication right away, and was impressed with his former student's political acumen as much as he was saddened by how far things had truly gone now.

"Precisely, professor." King Lamba gave a bitter smile as he got to the point. "Barring a miracle, the _Molmol Raj_… what my family has built in generations of rule since the British brought Indian colonists here to administer the people of Molmol and Pararakelse Islands, is running out of time. When that comes… I shall meet it with honor." Lamba only paused to put a hand to his heirloom Enfield Mk.2 .38-caliber revolver, prominently yet discreetly holstered from his equally British Army surplus Sam Browne belt. Aside from the royal coat of arms and some accompanying Hindi script engraved on the frame, it was an otherwise unadorned weapon for an equally no-nonsense commander-in-chief.

King Lamba's issue khaki dress uniform only carried what frills and decorations were absolutely unavoidable, most notably honorary campaign ribbons for Molmol's service under Commonwealth forces in World War II, the Korean War, and the various wars of decolonization afterward. Lamba Lu _himself _obviously couldn't have served in these conflicts at a mere 27 years old, but _King _Lamba Lu wore them as per the duties of his royal office, as all Kings of Molmol had previously. "And after that end… I want you to take what steps will be necessary to protect those people I could not." His stance and gaze became stern; those of a man resigned to a battle he knew he must fight, and equally so one he had no realistic chance of surviving.

"Your Majesty…" Seta paused, knowing this was indeed treacherous ground. "I _am _capable of what I believe you are asking, but are you sure it would be welcome? I am still a foreigner in this land however much I'm also your friend, and many would rightly question my ethics leading your people to revolt against whatever this 'Il Palazzo' has in store for them."

King Lamba gravely nodded. "Our pride will be an issue; but our need for leadership will be greater. In the event of my death or capture, I have formally and in writing instructed Amalla to assume full Queenship; and if the worst should happen to her… her sister Kaolla is to follow. It is the only way, and your aid will be especially needed in that event. Neither of them have the sort of combat experience needed for an uprising; you do." The Molmolese throne also had no heirs of any standing on either line absent a direct decree from the King resolving the matter, much to King Lamba's silent chagrin and Queen Amalla's vocal frustration.

"Well then, Your Majesty, it will be done as you command." Seta knelt before his former student in acknowledgment of his charge. When King Lamba dismissed him, they again shared a long hug goodbye, probably their last… before Seta departed. On his way out, Seta began running through his mind the list of his graduate assistants and student leaders at Todai University and the University of Pararakelse whom he felt capable of forming the framework of a resistance organization if the worst went down. It probably would, and shortly too.

"Ohhh… Blue skies, white sand; green seas, clean air! Island trips are so un-fair!" Excel sang at the top of her most grating voice possible as her van swerved around yet another 90-degree bank through Todai's medievally cramped streets. If an accident didn't kill the passengers inside, all but perhaps two already wished it would do so NOW and just end their suffering already. "You can swim and swim as much as you like, but you can't get no sa-tis-fac-tion!" It was debatable whether the song or the swerving was turning the huddled Russian mercenaries in the back greener.

"Stop senior, please! You're ruining MY song! My _special_ song for myself and Lord—GACK!!" Elgala didn't get to name her (supposedly) special someone before Excel effortlessly backhanded her across the van into the back while swerving left again to avoid ploughing through a marketplace stall. Not that Excel would've exactly _minded _running over one or two of the ignorant masses just to remind them of their place, but it was a bit early for that as yet.

"Huck you El-chan, you flithering bussy! Lord Il Palazzo is mine, MINE I T3LL J00!" Excel screamed rabidly back at her junior officer in ACROSS. She fixed her equally so eyes on Kentaro Sakata, or Agent Clarion rather, as he tried to slip an arm around the semi-conscious Elgala to comfort her. "You too, Kura-kun! Don't go giving this DECADENT any ideas; she's mine too!" Excel had already been long deriding Kentaro as "Kura-kun," a semi-formal short version of his codename as pronounced in Japanese, "_Kurarion."_

Kentaro could only hide his tears as he thought in despair. _"Is THIS what you wish of me, most glorious Lord Il Palazzo whom mine eyes have not yet had the infinite blessing to gaze upon as yet? I only wish to do your bidding and get my revenge on those Hinata fools, but you place me with your most deranged of agents escorting a squad of barbarous Russian thugs unworthy to even perish by your hand. Is this a test of my faith, of my worth to fight alongside the divine Elgala? _One of those same mercenaries decided to back Excel in this matter, galling though that prospect was to him, before Kentaro decided to put words to his gibbering horror at the abuse Elgala had just suffered.

"Your thoughts are just a bit _too _predictable, Agent Clarion." Major General Nikolai Sergeyevich Tatarin, commander of the Freelance Russian Army that Lord Il Palazzo had contracted for the upcoming coup here, growled at Kentaro in agreement with Excel. "You must learn to _obey_, before the reward of victory can be yours by right." He was of course referring to Beauty, such as that doubtlessly possessed by Elgala, for example.

"What he said, OH YEAH!" Excel's chilling tone indicated how she could already tell she'd like working together with Tatarin: it was seldom people actually agreed with her. Ex-KGB Senior Colonel Leonid Iosipovich Bulba shrugged in agreement with his longtime comrade and superior's statement, Tatarin having handled the matter effectively enough, and true to form besides. Excel inquired to the petite form hanging out the passenger window so her emanations didn't poison their guests. "Feeling better yet Ha-chan?"

"Yes… Senior." Hyatt had died out AGAIN on getting into the van, and Excel had needed to dangle her as far out the window as her seat belt and general safety would allow, unless she wanted to put the last batch of soldiers Tatarin and Bulba had brought in today on sick report. "We should be nearing the main safe house for our final planning soon, senior." Once Lord Il Palazzo had been briefed on their final reconnaissance prior to commencing action, the coup d'état would be on through cooperation between the Russians and defecting Molmolese forces, all under ACROSS' supervision.

Arriving at the safe house, a squalid Todai apartment block which _ordinarily_ would've been beneath ACROSS' dignity, Excel hurried Tatarin and his fellows up the stairs before hauling Clarion and Elgala out after them. She then grabbed Hyatt and helped her up the stairs behind, careful to accommodate her hobbling pace. The final briefing before the coup was soon to commence and Hyatt needed to be at least lucid for it to proceed on time.

An ocean away, in the bustling city of Fukuoka in the so-named prefecture of Japan, an equally important meeting was on regarding the same issue. At City Hall, in a boardroom reserved for meetings of the Department of City Security staff, six _very _weary office-slaves were droning off as their lecturers attempted to conclude.

"And so, ladies and gentlemen, the Company's best intelligence sources in the South Pacific all indicate the worst. It seems that the Secret Ideological Organization ACROSS has thoroughly penetrated the Molmolese government and military agencies, such that a coup is certainly imminent and likely to be successful. This is especially so in light of the stated evidence that, despite numerous opportunities to do so, the Kingdom's security agencies have not been able to arrest the plotters involved; something we can now only attribute to collusion." Thirty-three year old Agent Isabella Angelina, long a veteran of the CIA after her recruitment in the '90s while briefly heading the liberal activist group "Warning Against Browns," opposing fascist tendencies both at home in America and abroad, hated how what she had to say next would sound to her audience; but there was no way around it. "What you can help us with is to understand precisely how such a supposedly incompetent right-wing terrorist group, which _you _supposedly liquidated years ago to boot, has suddenly grown so powerful?"

"HEY! Lighten up Miss!" Norikuni Iwata, still as boorish as ever despite some four years living as a cyborg now, objected to Isabella's prodding. "I'm sure those ACROSS fools will just fall on their faces like they always did. Hell, if you send us to fight for," Iwata posed like some sort of superhero, "'Love and Peace' down there, we'll kick their butts no problem! And _I _can get back in time to give you, Ms. Angelina, the sort of welcome you deserve…" His ceaseless flirting with Isabella since she'd arrived had officially crossed the line from rude to ridiculous.

Iwata promptly found himself kissing something quite opposite what he had in mind as Misaki Matsuya punched him straight into the whiteboard at the opposite end of the room, where he collapsed in a heap just behind Ms. Angelina. "Forgive my colleague's imprudence ma'am. I'm sure some further violations of _his _fundamental rights, which he no longer has come to think of it, should keep him in line well enough."

"Umm… thanks, I guess." Isabella happened to like Misaki, seeing how much they had in common regarding temperament, but even this struck her as a bit _much _to inflict on a guy for mere flirting. She sighed at how strange the Japanese could really be when they wanted to, even for one who'd become acquainted with them up in Hokkaido while researching her college thesis on the Inuit and related aboriginal cultures. Turning to Phil Bagzton she asked: "Do you have anything to add, Bagz?

"Aight!" Bagz helped his unfortunate fellow, Iwata, up as he whispered "Feel ya', bro. _Isabella does that to me all the time…_" He then turned to the assembled Daitenzin Force and Dr. Kabapu as he added "Now listen; I _know _these ACROSS goons' record looks about as tough as crème brulée but let's NOT get stupid here. From what Doc Kabapu says…" Bagz waved broadly to the bizarrely mustachioed man positively seething in his yellow suit at being treated so informally, "…these guys have hired some of the best; or _worst _rather.

"Major General Nikolai S. Tatarin," Bagz clicked the slide show forward one step to show the burly Russian officer, "is one example. The Russian Army's files still list him as an AWOL Senior Colonel; but he went rogue in '92 after refusing to either return to Russia or join the Uzbek army of his birthplace, giving himself a nice little promotion to Major General in the bargain. So he goes and decides to recruit a couple hundred ethnic-Russian Uzbeks like him into a merc outfit titled the "Freelance Russian Army; or rather 'the Army that Time forgot.' Where 'it's always 1984' and like… HEY!" Bagz protested as Christopher Stone, Isabella's newest field operative by some three years, took over the briefing at her weary nod to do so. The man was smarter than his affect made him seem; years of handling an abusive stepfather saw to that. But Phil Bagzton's sense of tact was clearly stunted from the years of living defensively he had needed to endure.

"Seriously Bagz, everyone; it's _no _joking matter. Since going mercenary, Tatarin's popped up just about everywhere in Eurasia there's been an atrocity or civil war within the last 15 years. Bosnia, Kosovo, Macedonia, Uzbekistan, Nepal, you name it. The man is a confirmed sadist; rather than letting his soldiers kill for him, he personally leads them in killing for the simple pleasure of inflicting pain on an enemy." At this necessary mention Chris saw Misaki tense and several others, notably the thin man named Watanabe Toru and his chubby friend Daimaru Sumiyoshi, turn several distinct shades of yellow and green at once. Iwata was visibly shaking, both from his obvious trepidation and his frantic attempts at self-control it prompted.

"Tatarin typically sides with pan-Slavic or neo-Communist movements, but that's not an exclusive pattern; as far as we know some evidence places him and his ex-KGB stooge, Senior Colonel Leonid Bulba, in Afganistan for most of 2001. There, helping the Taliban against a mutual enemy he shared with them: Northern Alliance commander Ahmed Shah Masood, nominal leader of the old Mujahedin whom Tatarin fought for ten years straight while still in the Red Army. At least, Tatarin was possibly helping the Taliban before he got wind of 9/11 just prior to the balloon going up, and smartly cancelled his contract with them post haste…" Chris had to hand it to the Russian provocateur. He sure knew when to make an exit; first from the USSR's fall and then from the Taliban's after they allowed one terrorist attack too many to originate on their soil. "We believe ACROSS is another departure from that pattern, motivated entirely by profit as the earlier anomalous contracts for the Freelance Russian Army were." Chris Stone then passed a glance at his most important fellow here: the CIA's civilian guest, who could personally testify to the seriousness of the ACROSS part of the problem. "Anything to add?"

"Yeah." Ashley J. Williams strode up to the podium, as the projector screen behind shifted to display the missing Book of the Dead, or _Necronomicon ex Mortis_. He surveyed the crowd as they gaped at his many injuries suffered in his time dealing with that accursed text, most notably his amputated right hand. Otherwise dapper in his Company-supplied suit, Ash addressed the so-called "Municipal Force Daitenzin." "Hey MORONS (except for you, babe…)!" Ash made his exception for Misaki, who just closed her eyes in muted appreciation. "How do you NOT see that a penny-ante fascist group like ACROSS _plus_ the Necronomicon _plus_ the friggin' Spear of Destiny _plus _a mysterious temple on the island they're about to take over _equals_ a VERY BAD THING! I came THIS close," he pinched his fingers together to drive home the point, "to being still more scarred for life when those two hentai convention refugees Elgala and Key messed with yours truly like Sasquatch and beat it with the Necronomicon!"

He saw their resigned looks after this rant and decided to let up. "Ah well. Your boss Doc' Kabapu says you guys handed it to ACROSS pretty good some years back, forcing them to lay low and fruity like they are. So how's about we team up and give this 'Lord Il Palazzo' character a taste of some _boomstick_!" Ash made an exaggerated aiming motion to imitate his one-handed shotgun-wielding stance.

"_Mister_ Ash." Kabapu emphasized to reassert his tattered authority. "That is indeed a good suggestion. However, I do wish to take Lord Il Palazzo _alive_ if at all possible. You've also mentioned your unique choice in armaments before, and I believe you'll be quite compatible with the Daitenzin in the field. Hence, Why don't you join them while Momochi and I sort out the details of infiltrating you all into Molmol."

"Super." Ash stepped down as Isabella, Bagz and Chris cleaned up after their presentation. He fell in behind Misaki as the Daitenzin moved off to their own offices and whispered, "That was some composure there, ma'am. I like composure. So what about you and me lose these losers tonight and work together; _one on one_."

Misaki placed her hand on Ash's remaining left hand for a second, as if to accept. Then she jerked that hand and its attached arm into a devastating Judo shoulder throw, which she followed by a stomp to Ash's chest with her right stiletto heel. "Thanks. But although I _am _single, I prefer not to mix business with pleasure if you don't mind," Misaki demurred as Ash writhed under her heel in abject pain; especially with her legs turned just so as to deny him any good panty shots. She strode off with a hyper Ropponmatsu II and blank Ropponmatsu I following her in their various ways of admiration for her show of 'girl power.'

"No… problem… babe." Ash panted his reply out as he tried to extricate his pancaked form from the floor; failing miserably of course. "Call me back… anytime. I've got… it… goin' on." The Daitenzin strolled off as Ash sagged in defeat, catching his breath for a minute. There wouldn't be much time for that very soon otherwise…


End file.
